Friday, December 26, 2014
I'm heading back home Friday to spend two weeks with my family and I'm a little terrified...
My mother and I have always had a contentious relationship. I let her opinion of me mean way too much to me, and always have. I've armchair diagnosed her with borderline personality disorder (based on my therapist's thoughts and my own reading, which I know makes me sound like a millennial trashbag but it really fits?). She is sensitive and cruel and makes every issue in anyone's life about her. She is emotionally abusive to my sister and me....
Intellectually, I understand. Her criticism is not about me. It would be the same no matter what I was doing with my life. There's nothing I can do to change it, so I shouldn't take it to heart. Emotionally, I've never been able to get there. She gets very anxious around holidays, and that anxiety makes her lash out at us, and I don't know what to do. I don't want to burden my friends, again, for the bajillionth time, with me drunk-sobbing at 4 a.m. about how she's right and I don't deserve to take up space on the planet.
-- Dispirit of Christmas
Dear Dispirit of Christmas,
Sweet Christ in a manger, do I understand! The holidays are heralded as a time of love and warmth and celebration, yet even when you feel calm and optimistic and absolutely turgid with the holiday spirit, every last ounce of joy can be snuffed out upon returning to the fold. Read more.
I shall not bore you with my own trite details. Suffice it to say, my daughter and her family arrive tomorrow, and I am looking forward to that. We actually like each other.