The Big Wide World

I made it out this morning.  First breakfast and then a local "Urban Homestead" tour.  I was joined by a good friend and my son-in-law.  It's an annual fundraiser for youth programs, and they sell about 400 tickets each year.

I thank the homeowners for opening up their yards to the hordes.  I made it to two homes before I hit a wall and knew I had to go home.  I really wanted to go to the farm that had animals, including a miniature donkey, but I just couldn't.  Luckily I had my 4 wheel walker with me, which I needed at the second stop in order to remain upright.  Nevertheless, I enjoyed the farms and marveled at all the work that people put into them.  Once upon a time I was an avid gardener and boasted lush beds of corn, potatoes, tomatoes, zucchini, eggplant, beans and peas.  We had so many tomatoes that we made sauce and canned it.  My father in law thought that was hilarious, something they did when they were poor.  Now they could just buy jarred sauce.  He didn't understand the pride we took in growing this food and preserving it.

One of the farms today had a greenhouse with pot growing in it.  A pretty thin, weedy (no pun intended) crop that looked anemic.  When I think back on the illegal grows we used to have, oh my.  Our plants were 8 feet tall and had trunks like trees.  Deep green and thick bushes.  Being a guest at their farm, I kept my big mouth shut.

It was great getting out but I needed a two hour nap when I got home.  I had a visit with my surgeon yesterday and he said I could count on another 4 or 5 months before I began to feel normal again.  A little shocking to hear.  I want to be better NOW.  My brain thinks I can do more than I actually can.  My body says, "Oh, hold on there, sister!"  I have a friend who had cancer last year and it was a long hard slog for her.  She says it took her a full year after her surgery to feel better.  This being sick stuff demands our patience and perseverance. 

Tomorrow is my grandson's birthday. party.  He'll be 11 next week.  I'm planning on making a short appearance, and have no other plans for the day.  He's my priority.  I was there when he was born (also for my grand daughter) and it seems like just a few years ago.  Ha - joke's on me!  Next thing I know, truly, he will be graduating from high school.  Ready to launch into this big, wide world.  The oldest question is "where did the time go?!"  Heck if I know.

Survivor

I know blog posts are more compelling when photos are included, but I can't seem to manage that right now.  I've been home from rehab for just over a week, and it is good to be home.  I had my physical therapy this morning -- a nice woman comes to the house.  Working on my ab muscles, which were cut into during my surgery.  Tiny little exercises that isolate the muscles and can be done on the bed.  Then a walk down the street before it got too hot.  I'm still in a state of amazement over all I have been through.  I am a survivor for sure! 

Last year at this time I was hospitalized for diabetic ketoacidosis.  A precarious and life-threatening condition.  Came out of that okay.  And the year before that, at the end of June I had a small stroke which landed me in the ICU.  Holy shitski, I think to myself.  Can I just get through next summer with no mishaps?  Please?  

If there's anything to learn from this, other than appreciate each day because it may be your last, I don't know what it is.  I feel like an old lady now that I'm 65 and have come out of this catastrophe.  Feeling a bit shaken (not stirred) and looking to find the way forward.  I've been watching the Netflix series "How to Change Your Mind," featuring Michael Pollan, on the clinical use of psychedelics to treat depression, anxiety, etc.  It's fascinating and I think I would benefit.  I did, in fact, take mushrooms, LSD and mescaline when I was a young adult.  Not as a drug to get wild with, or in any kind of a party situation.  Always as a spiritual practice.  With trusted friends.  It was quite beneficial to me and I'd like to try it again.  Perhaps a reset; a course correction for my senior years.

Meanwhile, as the new strains of Covid are on the rise, I watch as friends and family travel and recreate.  Enjoying their lives.  I'm keeping to myself, unwilling to take chances.  Sure, I'm jealous, but I cannot imagine what Covid might do to me.  Wrap me in bubble wrap!  I'm fragile like bone china!  Someday, the fates willing, I can move about freely again and not concern myself with the invisible enemy.  

For now, I watch nature programs on the telly, travel shows and movies.  I move about the house doing small bits of laundry, or the dishes, calling friends and loving on my dog.  I'm mostly eating frozen meals (the good ones) and ordering out.  I'm not up for cooking.  I'm going to be talking with a home chef about possibly doing meal prep for me in my own kitchen once a week.  I tell her (it's a her) what kinds of foods I'll eat, we come up with a menu, she does the shopping, prep and cooking for the week.  This sounds like heaven.  I can afford it, and it will keep me on the right track.  Stay tuned.

Have a good week, and stay safe!