Here comes the sun...and there it goes. I'll be watching the eclipse on PBS or the NASA site. We had a partial one a few years ago, and while it was interesting, I just can't get all super hyped up about it. It's a natural phenomena and cares not what we on earth think about it. I think of all the people gathering to watch this thing, choking the roads with cars, cramming into farms turned into campsites. I suppose its a good thing the farmers are making money from this whole thing. I don't begrudge them. Just. Not. Feeling. It.
This song is kind of where I'm at these days. It's frankly all too much. I was telling my husband we need to take a trip and go someplace with no access to media, phones, etc. I do realize I can, and should, abstain, in the here and now. But I am sucked into it. I need discipline imposed from the outside. This is true with so many things! Why can I 'perform' when when required from outside sources but not so much when it is strictly up to me?
Since I've returned from Colorado, I have hardly gone to the gym. And the resulting inertia just feeds on itself. So, I told my husband that I want to go back to a M/W/F routine, no ifs and or buts. We I had to be accountable to my trainer, I went and I worked hard. I know how good it made me feel. Why isn't that enough to keep me motivated without a trainer?
Ack. Feeling the blues, my friends.
It's not all bad. I've had some very interesting conversations on Face book, mostly around racial issues. We all know we're shouting into our own echo chamber, but sometimes there is a difference of opinion or thought that really can be explored if people are willing and respectful. When that happens, it gives me hope.
The turmoil we are in now may eventually lead to greater democracy, greater equality, greater justice. I just have to believe this. It may lead to institutional change that will advance the welfare of every American, not just whites.
But, yeah. This shit is exhausting.
Grab a good book. Retire to the hammock under the Cedar tree. That's my game plan.
I'm currently reading Fragments of the Ark by Louise Meriwether.
See you on Wednesday.