TGIF

Here's hoping your holiday was everything you wanted it to be.  Mine was, and more.

My first Thanksgiving with my husband's extended family.  Many from New York City, which is always fabulous because I love New Yorkers.

This smart and lively group was full of oldsters and children, all moving  harmoniously in the same direction of enjoyment of good food and each others' company.  A stark contrast from my family of origin, where gatherings are rather subdued and fastidious.  I shared my chocolate cake with my husband, and then the hosts' mother/mother in-law, and then father/father-in law, all from the same plate and the same fork.  Not a care in the world!  Not a single sniffle or grabbing of a "clean" fork.  This moment, for me, was symbolic of the vast difference in my two families.

Grandpa hoisted 2 year old grandson onto his shoulders, at the dinner table.  Fantastic.  The grown ups sat at the kid's table, declaring, "Why should the children always get the small table?!"  Soccer was played in the empty lot between dinner and dessert.  Wild stories were exchanged.  Kids ran in and out of the house.  Mid-town Sacramento looked like a ghost town, it was so quiet.  There we were, right on the corner of a usually busy street, and I don't recall a single car passing that afternoon.  We had the joint to ourselves.

And today...well, today my daughter and her family arrive.  We have much to do, as we are having many of last night's revelers to lunch today to meet my family.  Better get on with it -- fun awaits!

Here's to you and yours, and thank you for stopping by and sharing yourselves with me.  Have a fantastic weekend!

Wordless Wednesday

Wordless Wednesday

TGIF

Good news to report: today mom gets her back surgery, a procedure called Kyphoplasty.  Minimally invasive, it should immediately alleviate her pain from the fracture she sustained in a fall a couple of weeks ago.

What ticks me no end is, why didn't they do the procedure 2 weeks ago?  Our family had to kick and scream and call, and call again, before doctors relented and agreed to go ahead.  In the meantime, my mother has been in extreme pain, they have been paying for 24/7 in-home caregiving and their lives have been turned upside down.  Dad has lost appreciable weight and is weary beyond belief.

Meanwhile, my ribs are still sore from the fall I took in our yard a week ago.  They are likely to be sore for awhile, but as far as I know there are no broken or cracked ribs.  I had an xray two days ago but no word from doc.  I assume this means there wasn't anything extraordinary on the images, but really, am I safe assuming this?

Gaw!

Breathe.  Ouch.  Breathe.  Ouch.  Oh, and let's not even talk about the pain when I sneeze.  Please.

Wordless Wednesday

Armistice Day, Veterans Day

 

In Flanders Fields

John McCrae

 

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row, 
That mark our place, and in the sky, 
The larks, still bravely singing, fly, 
Scarce heard amid the guns below. 

We are the dead; short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow, 
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields. 

Take up our quarrel with the foe! 
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high! 
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

I have issues with the American Veteran's Day. I do appreciate the service

of those who the load in the U.S. Armed Forces.  I do.  I just hate the 

wheels of war, the tools of death and destruction, the idiots who are old 

and send the promising future to be slaughtered.  This fellow wrote 

a good column on it. 

If someone has served honorably in the military, I thank them for their service. 

TGIF

If cotton is the fabric of my life, then this is the play list of my life:

• The Band, The Last Waltz
• Otis Redding, Dock of the Bay
• Joni Mitchell, ALL
• Buffalo Springfield, For What it's Worth
• Bob Dylan, I Shall Be Released, etc. etc. etc.  
• Marshall Tucker Band, Can't You See
• Soundtrack from Woodstock, the movie
• Joan Baez, The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down, etc. etc.
• Linda Ronstadt, Heart Like a Wheel (the whole dang album)
• Jackson Browne, most, too numerous to name
• Eric Clapton, Bell Bottom Blues, Layla, Cocaine
• Bill Withers, Lean on Me
• Marvin Gaye, Let's Get it On, Sexual Healing

This is a very partial list.  But after this week, I've been listening to my old music a lot.  First, my mom fell and broke a vertebrae in her back.  I spent the entire night with her in the ER, sleeping when I could, lying across three plastic chair with a pillow and my lovely electric throw blanket (I know the ER is always cold, so....).  Then having to intervene when my dad, who is a control freak, fired the first care giver we hired to take care of mom at home.  I had to work some magic there, since he felt extremely upset, defensive and confused.  My experience with professional care given helped immensely.  Dad and I came to certain agreements and wrote them down for future reference.  He said I was a "Godsend."  That felt good.  All subsequent care givers have worked out well.

Of course I'm blown away by the number of states who elected republicans to Washington DC.  I must really be out of sync with the United States.  I didn't believe all the pundits prior to the election when they predicted a huge GOP win.  Oy.  I needed a couple gin and tonics on election night.  I just may stay high for the next couple of years.

After my night at the hospital, and then a night at my folks' home, it's fantastic to be back home with my darling husband.  Today we continue our quest to improve our garden: we've had soil delivered and half wine barrels and will begin to transplant trees and flowers.  Few things bring me as much pleasure as gardening.  And my husband, of course, but he is not a 'thing.'

Hope you find your pleasure this weekend.

Wordless Wednesday

Beep Goes the Night

I spent last night in an ER with my mom who had fallen a couple of days before.  She had seen her doc, had x-rays taken, was sent home with pain meds and instructions to rest and see if she felt better in a week.  No such luck.  As it turns out, she broke a vertebrae in her back and the pain became unbearable.

This was mom's 3rd fall in recent weeks.  A consequence of Parkinson's Disease.

My sis took her in and Dad was instructed to stay home and get some rest.  He had been having to lift her repeatedly at home, as she could no longer move her legs.  I took over in the evening and stayed all night.  Luckily, she slept well.  I, on the other hand, was straddling 3 plastic chairs with a pillow that the nurse gave me.  No stranger to ERs, I also brought my throw blanket with electric heat and I'm so glad I did.

Now I think I'll call my massage therapist and arrange for some work to be done.  Ouch.

Mom was released this morning and is home now with a hospital bed and 24/7 caregiver.  The family have been through this before: mom has broken both hips in the last several years.  We've learned a lot about how she handles pain and recovery, and we know enough now to have a family member present at the hospital at all times.  Mistakes get made, and in the past they have had dire consequences for mom.  Never again.  The hospital staff was trying to get us to transfer to a care facility, but we discovered than none of them would allow a family member to sit by her bed.  They said it interfered with patient care, and compromised patient confidentiality for the other patients near her.  So we said, "No, thanks."  Been down that road before.  A disaster.

As the night plodded slowly along, I was up and down to turn off alarms, close the door against a screaming patient that was making mom twitch in her sleep, drink water, go to the bathroom, read a book for awhile, give up reading a book, try sleeping on my back, my side, my other side.  And, thankfully, she dosed away, puffing out her soft little snore like she always does.

Long time readers know I have had my own hospital episodes, and as I spent the night in yet another ER, I was at least thankful that she was getting care, that I was not the one lying in that bed, and that she would be going home in the morning.  It also occurred to me that I haven't been sick in over a year.  I think that's a record.  Maybe it's the husband.  You think?  Does being happy prevent illness? 

What do you think?

TGIF

What a crazy Friday.  Another school shooting, this time in Washington State.  In our area, a couple of crazy shooters shot a police officer to death in Sacramento (near one of my favorite theaters), hijack a car, drove up the highway to the small town of Auburn, shot two more deputies (one has died) and a civilian was shot as well, but no news on that.  I've been watching the local news on and off, and it's a sad day.

But, gosh, we don't want to infringe on our constitutional right to bear semi-automatic weapons, do we? 

In better news, my husband woke up from his nap to find our Lucy cuddling his head.

She's so tiny...just 6 pounds.  She loves to nap, and if there is a warm body, so much the better.

We were out in the yard earlier, throwing a ball for our Golden, Boo, and Lucy was - pun intended - doggin' Boo as he chased the ball.  She has no interest in the toy, but loves to run with Boo and interfere with his catching is football.

Thank goodness for our pups.  They bring such joy.

Hope you find some joy this weekend.  It can be a terrible world out there and we've got to celebrate whenever we can.  xo

Life with Aging Parents

I am beside myself.  How does one break through a parent's denial?  I am speaking of my father, who is planning on taking my mother on a two week trip in May to the east coast for his high school reunion.  Why should this be so upsetting, you ask?  Mother has advanced Parkinson's, and has been in decline for 14 plus years.  She is limited in her mobility, her stamina, her strength, and is tired beyond description after a 4 hour car ride.  She requires a wheelchair, she is in a very weakened state.  And still...Dad wants to travel east with her.  And for a variety of reasons, she is unable to say no to him.  And so the planning of this insane adventure continues, with dad asking my sister to accompany them on the trip to help with her care.  I love my sister, but even she will agree she is no long term care giver.  I would be a more logical choice, but I know he is not asking me because he knows I disapprove.

I feel as if I'm lost in crazy town.  We just went through this a couple of months ago and he saw the light.  My husband, the M.D., brought up concerns about her catching an upper respiratory infection while flying across the U.S.  This, by itself, is reason enough for her to stay home.  One infection could kill her.

When he began his talk about the next trip with her I asked him if he had forgotten our previous discussions.  To my horror, he said, "I have not forgotten; I choose to ignore."

She will not speak up for herself.  She knows she cannot manage this trip.  I want to beat her, yell at her, scream and stamp my feet.

The sisters and I are hoping to involve her physician in this. 

My husband says it's sweet that Dad wants to take her.  I can't agree.  I think it's selfish.  And I think he is in serious denial about the state of her health.  I get it: he doesn't want her to be sick.  But she is.

We have until May to sort this out.  What I've tried before:

• encourage him to join a care giver support group
• seek counseling for the both of them
• I agreed to stay with Mother for the time he is away, so he can get away on his own, any time he wants to go, he has me or another sister for backup care.  I am, btw, a trained and certified home care giver.

Yet, we keep revisiting the same issues.  I am as upset with her as I am with him.  She could resolve all this now by saying, "No. I'm not up to that kind of traveling."  And honestly, if she is tortured by a 4 hour car ride, how is she going to handle a 6 - 12 hour plane trip with changes?

I'm at wit's end.  They are both being completely illogical. They've gone off the track.  What is this strange game they are playing?  Whatever it is, it's got my sisters and me in a complete state of worry.

Ultimately, what can one do if they are determined to go?  Not a thing.  And that is killing me.  Slowly but surely.  (I exaggerate here, of course. I'm channeling my inner Jewish mother or perhaps Italian Catholic mother.)

Sometimes....Life Is A Bitch.