Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Antidote

A walk around the neighborhood today proved to be a soothing balm for my crappy mind-set. Depression has reared its ugly head, all of a sudden, as if a switch has been flipped. I've had a lovely 5 mos. reprieve from this illness, and have been feeling grateful for the steadiness and contentment I'd been experiencing. The hardest thing to do when depression sets in, but the most important, is to stick to good self-care routines and a regular schedule. To remember that this is an illness, not the normal state of things. At least I am self-aware enough not to project my darkness onto others, though there are slip ups. I always feel worse when I project onto others what is not theirs. This illness is a pain in the ass and I fucking hate it. Luckily, I have good friends who are fellow sufferers and can help me keep things in perspective. I'll tell you one thing, having depression makes me appreciate all the more the days, weeks, months when I am feeling whole and healthy. When life is good, I know it, and thank the powers that be. When it's bad, I retreat and have that, "oh, not AGAIN" feeling. Being 'out' about living with depression is important to me; being honest about my state of mind helps me find my way back. Staying in the closet only makes things worse. I suspect there are readers here who also experience depression, and I hope that my posting about it makes them feel not so alone. We're only alone when we choose to be. There are life-lines all around us, if we only choose to grab hold. I'll keep doing what I can do to cope with this particular round, but sometimes it's a long hard slog. Thank goodness for my friends, my doctors, medications, and my faithful canine companion. She's always good for a laugh. I know it must be completely confounding for people who don't have this illness. That's why I'm on a speaker's bureau to bring information to people with the goal of educating people and fighting against the stigma that is associated with mental illness. I didn't ask for my diabetes, I didn't ask for depression. Just like you don't ask for cancer or a bad case of the flu. Shit happens. May we all find understanding and compassion.

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