Monday, February 16, 2015

Monday Musings

The great cure-all, the golden child, he has relieved my funk. A two night stay, which is a record since the lil' guy has a difficult time sleeping away from home and his routine. So happy to spend time with him, and yes, so exhausting an effort because he wakes up with the instant ON switch and goes all day non-stop, except for nap time.  Nap time is a blessing, and I used it to refresh and recharge while he slept peacefully.

His hair is getting long, and he likes to tie it up in a high pony tail.  It looks particularly adorable with his heart-shaped sunglasses.  He's doing the hostility thing with his mom these days, and I can only guess it's about separation and individuation--fancy words to describe growing up. And he can't resist being rough with the tiny chihuahua, despite our frequent reminders. He's generally a good natured kid, who, like all children, needs to be reigned in every now and then so he doesn't grow to be a complete Neanderthal man. His parents guide him as needed, and they really are quite good at it. They take his upsets in stride. They know he can be exhausting, they acknowledge that.

Nevertheless, no doubt he will wind up on a therapist's couch complaining about his childhood.  

I know so many people who are estranged from their families of origin.  Some take it in stride and do not worry about it.  It is what it is.  Others agonize over the rifts that continue.  My twenties were consumed with angst over my relationship (or lack of) with my parents.  My two sisters, who had children before I did, assured me that if I had a child I would look at my parents with more understanding, more compassion.  And it was true. 

Is there a statute of limitations when it comes to carrying a grudge in the family?  I suppose it depends on the offense.  Sometimes, often, we don't even know what we did to deserve the big freeze.  And the more we try to problem-solve, the worse it gets.  Amorphous accusations fill the air, the trash bin of all our hurts and perceived slights gets pulled out and dumped all over the Persian carpet. 

When do you walk away if the other person refuses to engage constructively?  As many of you older folks know, our BS button gets activated often these days.  Life is too short for this kind of grief.  I want to shout, "grow up!"  But I also know the sting of feeling hurt by someone in your family, and being the imperfect creatures we are, we often respond defensively and aggressively.  Tit for tat. 

That's what I'm musing about today....weird, huh?

6 comments:

  1. I love how your grandson wears his hair. That is so cool. He's such a cutie. I too have been thinking about how long to hold onto a grudge lately. There are things that happen in families that probably aren't intended to hurt, but do hurt nonetheless. There are thoughtless moments, and there are the other moments when people are just being mean-spirited. It's sometimes hard to figure out what the motivating factors are. I tend to just shut people out. I was going to write a haiku about it, something about feeling my heart close and wondering how long, if ever, it would take to re-open. Still working on that one.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. the kid is a fashionista, for sure.

      grudges are easier to let go of if the infractions are few and far between. When they become the norm, i think it's best to walk away. I see it as that: walking away to take care of yourself. I don't see it as closing one's heart, though I suppose it is....

      Delete
  2. One of my grandson is a blond and he wears his hair down on his shoulders-- a pony tail would be less apt to get in his way. I like ponytails of all sorts on men :).

    I think it's logical to think of family relationships as the next generation begins to make its presence and ideas felt. I do it once in awhile anyway, think over the things I didn't do but probably should have but I try to let it go. It's over but now and again it crops back up

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh, dear lord. The family stuff is just endless, isn't it? And we all pretend that it'll be different when our own kids are grown --

    ReplyDelete
  4. forgiveness works pretty well. i'm still getting the hang of it.
    happy to see your grandson, i'm over the moon with mine too! sweetness....

    ReplyDelete
  5. I generally have no problem letting go of grudges. I simply erase the person from my list of friends and don't even think about them. Perhaps not the best way of handing them, but it works for me.

    ReplyDelete