Monday, September 28, 2015

Monday Musings

Home after a week at mom's.  As usual, we had nice time just doing the usual.  I don't plan big while I'm there, because most of my energy is directed towards helping her move safely about the house, cooking meals, taking care of all things domestic because she can't do any of it.  Her Parkinson's is making her muscles even more stiff and it was quite difficult at times to get her up out of bed, or a chair.  It must feel like shit to have your body lock up like that.  I am patient with her, and even funny with her because she likes a good laugh.   But it is wearing.  We are up 4 times a night to get her to the bathroom.  It's not just like waking up and shuffling off the john, and, back into bed you go.  It involves time, effort, the long slow walk to the toilet.  When she's safely there, I sit on the bed and wait.  Then it's up again to assist her back to bed, and position her until she is comfortable.  I work up a sweat, I tell you.  And I know I have 2 to 3 hours before we do this again.

I truly, honestly, do not understand how my 83 year old father can do this.  If I'm worn out after a week (with a caregiver three days of the week), then imagine what he must feel like.  His trip this past week was sorely needed, and he did have a great time eating lobster, taking the ferry to Martha's Vineyard, visiting friends, driving around CT and NY.

I guess the saddest part of the week was my realization that I would have to return little Mocha.  She is not house-trained, and it was a herculean effort to work with her.  Pee and poop were everywhere.  Right in front of me.  She didn't have a clue it was not acceptable.  I had no patience for it.  I knew that my father wouldn't either.  So, after 5 days, I called and said it wasn't going to work.  My husband took her back, thank goodness.  I think it would have broken my heart to do so.

I'll leave you with something funny.  It's the least I can do.


  1. Too bad on the dog and that you weren't warned. I hope Mocha doesn't have a physical problem that has led to this. :(

  2. Sending love to you and your parents. Glad that your father was able to have some respite time with friends on the East Coast.

  3. So good of you to be there to be your mom's caregiver while your dad was out of town. You're lucky you live so close to your parents. We just drove 700 miles to spend a week with my mom in southern CA. It's a long way to go, but so worth it to be here and laugh with her. I hope Mocha finds a good home with patient, loving people who have the time it's going to take to train her. Wishing all the best for your mom. You're a wonderful, loving daughter.

  4. ((( Tara ))) Glad you could help your mom, and have a good time with her! And hope Mocha finds a good home, she sure looks like a sweetie.

    It sounds like your parents could use some regular in-home help, and to find ways to give your dad more regular respite. He can't be getting much sleep, and as you said, helping your mom is physically taxing. It might be worth it to check with local agencies devoted to seniors, and also with the local senior center. There might be activities mom would enjoy; there might be transportation options; maybe a PT or OT consult could give some ideas about how to help her be more comfortable, and do better at night. And you might get leads on reliable in-home helpers, so your dad doesn't have to do so much; and, good helpers can also be good company.

    We have a relative with a degenerative disease and many needs; she is in a care facility, but other members of a support group have used those kinds of things for the loved ones at home.


  5. Sorry the little dog did not work out. But you definitely did the right thing in returning him. The poster emphasizes how inadequately prepared so many of our "leaders" are. Such a shame.

  6. Tara did her best with Mocha, a no go. Or actually a go everywhere. Now she is gone, we will find the ideal dog elsewhere. That's a promise.