I am back from my hiatus. The grand kids were wonderful, although the eight year old prefers video games and Legos to his dear ol' Bubbe. The two and a half year old is a bubbly little thing, with powerful lungs and a real sense of aggrieve-ment when things don't go her way, which is several times a day. Mom and Dad are really good about it - they don't give in, they just go about their business. I'm impressed.Eden turned 8 during my visit, and had a great party at a giant jump house. What's that, you ask? I didn't know either. Ft. Collins is a marvelous town for kids: a jump house is a warehouse that is one giant contiguous trampoline of various shapes and sizes. When my daughter was young, going to the skating rink was the thing: skate your heart out and retire to the side-lines for pizza, pop, cake and presents. These days, it's jump houses.
We also spent an afternoon at a humongous swimming park. Packed with young and old, they at least had breaks for "adult swim" and all the rowdy children had to leave the pool for an entire 15 minutes, most of which was spent lining up at the snack bar and refueling.
Then, back into the pools, the slides, the what-nots. It was quite a scene. I needed shade, and when we arrived and the kids started setting up on the concrete up against a concrete building I protested. Us old folk require some accommodation, so we carved out a small spot under some shade trees on the grass.
I also spent a few days with my friends in Longmont, 40 minutes drive south. We raised our kids together and they moved to Colorado twenty years ago. Always good to hang out with, we are so comfortable and familiar with one another. Better than family, in many ways.
After all this great time, and after long and heartfelt conversations with my kids, I decided I'm moving to Colorado. It's time to go and do what makes me happy. Ever since my birthday divorce bomb, I've been living in a daze, not know whether I was coming or going. This trip decided it for me: there is no place I'd rather be. Divorce preparations have begun and S. and I are in agreement on critical things, each hoping to make this as painless as possible. This is a highly condensed version of events, but I'm not in the mood for pouring my guts out.
Suffice it to say, there is a LOT to be done in the next month. It's overwhelming and sometimes I feel paralyzed by the enormity of it all. I'm handling it, taking care of business, and maybe when I'm safely there I can let the grief come like a tsunami.
I am sustained by many friends and family; lovingly supported and affirmed. I keep their words and their little notes close, to remind me that I am on the right path and that I am loved.
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| more fun on the lake |
"Life is a good teacher and a good friend. Things are always in transition, if we could only realize it. Nothing ever sums itself up in the way that we like to dream about."
Pema Chodron, from "When Things Fall Apart"
