Friday, April 25, 2014

TGIF

A friend recently gave me some lovely feedback on my poems. It has inspired me to repost some oldies that I shared on a former blog. Here's one of my favorites. Have a great weekend, y'all.

Old love...
dried and blown by the wind
come back in a letter
quite by surprise.

I'm a curious woman
and search for clues - the where,
the what and how
two lives are cracked apart.

I could walk past her shop
peek through the plate glass window
watching my reflection
watching her.

I would turn away then
the words dried up and stale,
crumbling out the corners of my mouth
and dropping to the ground.

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Antidote

A walk around the neighborhood today proved to be a soothing balm for my crappy mind-set. Depression has reared its ugly head, all of a sudden, as if a switch has been flipped. I've had a lovely 5 mos. reprieve from this illness, and have been feeling grateful for the steadiness and contentment I'd been experiencing. The hardest thing to do when depression sets in, but the most important, is to stick to good self-care routines and a regular schedule. To remember that this is an illness, not the normal state of things. At least I am self-aware enough not to project my darkness onto others, though there are slip ups. I always feel worse when I project onto others what is not theirs. This illness is a pain in the ass and I fucking hate it. Luckily, I have good friends who are fellow sufferers and can help me keep things in perspective. I'll tell you one thing, having depression makes me appreciate all the more the days, weeks, months when I am feeling whole and healthy. When life is good, I know it, and thank the powers that be. When it's bad, I retreat and have that, "oh, not AGAIN" feeling. Being 'out' about living with depression is important to me; being honest about my state of mind helps me find my way back. Staying in the closet only makes things worse. I suspect there are readers here who also experience depression, and I hope that my posting about it makes them feel not so alone. We're only alone when we choose to be. There are life-lines all around us, if we only choose to grab hold. I'll keep doing what I can do to cope with this particular round, but sometimes it's a long hard slog. Thank goodness for my friends, my doctors, medications, and my faithful canine companion. She's always good for a laugh. I know it must be completely confounding for people who don't have this illness. That's why I'm on a speaker's bureau to bring information to people with the goal of educating people and fighting against the stigma that is associated with mental illness. I didn't ask for my diabetes, I didn't ask for depression. Just like you don't ask for cancer or a bad case of the flu. Shit happens. May we all find understanding and compassion.

Monday, April 21, 2014

This Shit is Ruining my Day

Bill Moyers keeps hammering away at issues like income inequality and climate change. Latest study out summarizes something that anyone with half a brain knows: “America’s claims to being a democratic society are seriously threatened… The preferences of the average American appear to have only a minuscule, near-zero, statistically non-significant impact upon public policy.” Instead, policy tends “to tilt towards the wishes of corporations and business and professional associations.” Government is a protection racket for the uber rich. Duh. Unless, as the article says, we do something about it. I don't know about you, but I've been watching good people trying to do something about for a generation, and it just keeps getting worse. Citizen's United was the kill shot. I could name any number of books I've read on the subject, and any number of interviews with learned people on the subject. And yet, the tide keeps turning in favor of the rich. And the richest among us apparently do not give a shit about global climate change, because it would mean they'd actually have to things differently and, oh gosh, that would cut into their profits.
Forgive me my mood.

Sunday, April 20, 2014

Easter

photo by T. Crowley

Happy bunnies, chickens, bright balloons and fanciful drawer pulls!  And Peeps for those of you who can handle them.

Friday, April 18, 2014

TGIF

It's another Friday. Science Friday, on NPR, with a beyond scarey discussion on how climate change is currently affecting our food resources, on Bill Moyers, an interview with Paul Krugman on the book "Capital in the Twenty-First Century" which shows how we are rapidly heading into oligarchy. So much for democracy. All I want to do is be on this beach, on a sunny day, and let the world pass me by. It's getting much, much too real. In the case of this particular week, Friday ain't no different than any other hair raisin', nail bitin' day of the week. It's Good Friday, but I don't care about all that. Feels like a bad sad Friday to me. Sigh.

Sunday, April 13, 2014

Art Saves Souls

"Art washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life." ~ Pablo Picasso. I urge you to take a few minutes and watch this video. Look at these smiling kid faces, see the love and joy that a safe space and creative expression gives them. Help them get their new Art House.

You'll feel great. Promise.



Every neighborhood should have an Art House for kids! What a different world this would be. See this: Art Saves.

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Photographic Experimentation


The other day, a friend and I spent some bit of time in this field of mustard, just off Interstate 5 and smack in the middle of shopping centers and suburban homes.  We waited for sunset and shot the changing light.  Not a single one came out to my satisfaction.  I was trying to capture something illusive....the color was spectacular and concentrated.  Times like these I really am in awe of great photographers.  They know what they're doing.  I'm in training.


Part of the photographic problem was focus: I had to have the lens wide open in order to get enough light, and that means that what is in focus is on a very narrow plane of vision.


In the end, it was a pleasant and nostalgic way to spend the time, great images or no.  When I was a child, we lived with fruit orchards all around us and the mustard weed grew tall in those orchards.  It was one of our favorite places to play.  The other day, I spent time sitting on the ground trying to get another perspective on the field. The mustard was at eye level and propelled me back in time.  At 56 years of age, I was suddenly a 10 year old.  Building trails and creating 'rooms' by stomping down the weeds.  Playing explorer, and sipping water out of my dad's old canteen that tasted faintly of rust and dirt.

I was happy to share the time with my friend, who was equally captivated by the venue.  I haven't seen his photos yet; hopefully he got some he is happy with.  Next time I'm going back with a tall ladder so I can shoot down on the field.  And I'll figure out the lighting and focus thing. 

Sunday, April 6, 2014

As Time Goes By

Posting about my grandson got me to thinking about how fast a life goes by.  He's so big now...of course I went back and looked at photos of the newborn he once was, and me holding him moments after his arrival.

The photo here is of my daughter when she was about his age now.  It was taken on a camping trip to Mono Hot Springs and she is playing the hippie chick oh so well.

I have a gazillion photos of my girl.  They take me back to some pretty sweet memories.  She's doing the same with her son.  It all passes so quickly.  I remember people telling me that when I 1.) graduated from High School 2.) got married 3.) graduated from college, 4.) had my baby.  Each time, I thought, "yeah yeah yeah."  But now I know how true it is.  I try to keep it to myself.

Friday, April 4, 2014

TGIF

and a Happy Friday to you all.

When at the zoo, it's important not to get distracted by exotic animals.  Yes, sure, you pay money to get in to see them and experience the wonder of nature.  But let's not forget the zoo infrastructure, the glue that holds this zoological extravaganza together.  Storm drains are vital to the smooth functioning of the zoo community.  My grandson knows this.  He also thinks it looks like a good hangar for his airplane.


Surly Bonds

My dad slipped the surly bonds of earth on January 13.  He'd had a massive stroke on the ninth and doctors were clear he was not going t...