On Wednesday this week I got out of bed and couldn't figure out why I couldn't walk straight -- why was I hurling myself into walls and doors? Why was I having severe double vision, as if I was stone cold drunk? I stumbled around this way for a few minutes before I realized something was really wrong. And yet, I still went next door to feed my neighbor's cats because she is off on a camping trip. It was a surreal trip to make, but cats must be attended to!
I came back home and called my daughter. You can guess what she said. "Call 911 MOM." And so I did. But after I did, I called another neighbor and told her not to be alarmed but there was soon to be sirens and a mob scene of emergency vehicles on our tiny street. I'm so considerate.
After all is said and done, turns out I had an Ischemic stroke, verified by an MRI. I was admitted and administered drugs to help with blood flow. Scary, and yet I had the ability to speak, I had no loss of function and my cognitive function was only mildly impared. I spent the night and was released the afternoon on Thursday. On the way out of the hospital I stopped into the ICU, where my first husband (father of my daughter) has been. He is very ill and he looked it. We have been friends again for the last 10 years, after 20 years of acrimony following our divorce.
|Cape Cod with my husband's family, 1979|
My daughter has been so very happy to have both her parents living in the same town that her family lives in. We've had some wonderful holidays together in her home. He's been a fun and connected grandfather (Pop).
And soon, he will be going home to die, supported by hospice and good medications. While I am heartbroken, I'm more concerned for my daughter. I haven't lost a parent, but I know it hurts like hell. We're all in for a hellava week.
And I'm aware that my energy right now is at its lowest ebb. Docs say I'll probably feel extra tired for a week or two. But hell, I'm alive!
We just never know what the future will bring, do we? Life changes on a dime.
These are crazy times, compounded by personal grief. Doing what I can to keep my spiritual and physical equilibrium. And here to support my daughter.
Here's what I've been listening to today to lift my spirits: