Friday, June 26, 2020

I Nominate 2020 as Shittiest Year Ever

Well, for me at least, and for many many others.

On Wednesday this week I got out of bed and couldn't figure out why I couldn't walk straight -- why was I hurling myself into walls and doors?  Why was I having severe double vision, as if I was stone cold drunk?  I stumbled around this way for a few minutes before I realized something was really wrong.  And yet, I still went next door to feed my neighbor's cats because she is off on a camping trip.  It was a surreal trip to make, but cats must be attended to!

I came back home and called my daughter.  You can guess what she said. "Call 911 MOM."  And so I did.  But after I did, I called another neighbor and told her not to be alarmed but there was soon to be sirens and a mob scene of emergency vehicles on our tiny street.  I'm so considerate.

After all is said and done, turns out I had an Ischemic stroke, verified by an MRI. I was admitted and administered drugs to help with blood flow.  Scary, and yet I had the ability to speak, I had no loss of function and my cognitive function was only mildly impared.  I spent the night and was released the afternoon on Thursday.  On the way out of the hospital I stopped into the ICU, where my first husband (father of my daughter) has been.  He is very ill and he looked it.  We have been friends again for the last 10 years, after 20 years of acrimony following our divorce.

Cape Cod with my husband's family, 1979    

My daughter has been so very happy to have both her parents living in the same town that her family lives in.  We've had some wonderful holidays together in her home.  He's been a fun and connected grandfather (Pop).

And soon, he will be going home to die, supported by hospice and good medications.  While I am heartbroken, I'm more concerned for my daughter.  I haven't lost a parent, but I know it hurts like hell.  We're all in for a hellava week.

And I'm aware that my energy right now is at its lowest ebb.  Docs say I'll probably feel extra tired for a week or two.  But hell, I'm alive

We just never know what the future will bring, do we?  Life changes on a dime. 

These are crazy times, compounded by personal grief.  Doing what I can to keep my spiritual and physical equilibrium.  And here to support my daughter. 

Here's what I've been listening to today to lift my spirits:





18 comments:

  1. Oh, goodness. How scary for you. I'm so sorry you had to experience that - on top of this impending loss.

    (I'm a newish follower of your blog. We have mutual blog friends in common - Rosemarie and Elizabeth, specifically.)

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    1. well, good to see you here, Melissa. Welcome. Yeah, scary. But so grateful it was a small one and not a big one that requires months of rehab!!

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  2. Tara, I am so sorry for what you experienced and for what you ex is experiencing and for what your daughter will be experiencing when she loses her dad. What an unbelievably painful and challenging unfolding of heartbreaking events. I hope you start to feel better and stronger. I hope your ex has an easy time of it over the next few days, and I hope your daughter finds the inner strength to endure these changes. Thinking of you, dear friend and sending all the good wishes I have your way. Much love to you. (Good music choice too!)

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    1. thank you, good friend. I wish him a peaceful passing, surrounded by his family, at home in his own bed. That's the best any of us can hope for.

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  3. Thank goodness that you got the help you needed on Wednesday and that you and your first husband have been able to become friends and be there for your daughter and grandchildren. It is sad to hear that his health is failing. Sending love to you and your family. That is a lovely song that lifts my spirits today just as it did when I first heard it all those nearly 50 years ago.

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    1. yes, thanks to my daughter who didn't mess around and ordered me to call 911. Her father's failing health is really a heartbreak - he's only 69. Too young to depart. He also loves Cat Stevens, so hearing his music today was good therapy for me.

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  4. Unbelievable! So glad you reached out to someone instead of go back to bed.

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    1. Yes. A good lesson for us all. So many have declined to get medical help during this pandemic, but I knew something was terribly wrong.

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  5. So sorry to hear about your health and family problems. 2020 is certainly not treating you kindly so far. Good to hear from Cat Stevens after so many years; I had a friend in my university years who played his music pretty much non-stop!

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    1. I played his music, too, both on my guitar and listening to his records. I had every one!

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  6. What a scary thing! Take good care, stay safe.

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  7. What a scary episode for you and how you still managed to tend to the neighbor’s felines first was amazing. So glad you heeded your daughter’s advice as she was undoubtedly as scared as yourself with a parent already hospitalized. Sad about your ex-husband’s condition but at least there is no longer acrimony in the relationship, just sad that fence mending came late, but it came from what you have stated and that is good for all your family now.

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    1. thank you, Beatrice. Better late than never, eh?

      In addition to feeding the cats, I called another neighbor to warn her of the impending sirens. All while quite 'out of it.'

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  8. Glad you are OK. That must have been quite frightening. Will there be any further consequences as a result of this episode?

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    1. I don't think any lasting consequences, except now I know I am prone to strokes. I don't have any stroke inducing activities to cut out, so meds, exercise and weight loss (oh goody) are what i will need to attend to.

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  9. Tara! How frighting this must have been. I am glad you are okay. Please take care of yourself. I am sorry about your ex, and the heartbreak coming down the road for your daughter. Stay well.

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  10. I'm just now catching up on all of my blogs, and wow... I'm sorry to hear about all this. Yes, 2020 is definitely the worst year I've seen and that most of my friends have seen. Take care of yourself.

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