It's been difficult to sort this out, given my health issues of the last ten months, but I've finally made an appointment with my GP to get this sorted. Last May I stopped taking an antidepressent that I've been on for 23 years because my cardiologist says it is aggravating my PVCs. I think I made a very smooth transition off the drug and was happily surprised, as previous efforts to stop it have not been effective.
Now, however, I'm dragging my ass through each and every day. I'm sure the doc will do a thyroid function test.
I just want to feel proper again -- the normal amount of energy and no aches and pains. It's weird that this is often a sign of depression, but it is. I do force myself to get out of the house, to walk the dogs, do grocery shopping and run the essential errands that life demands. But it takes a huge amount of effort and positive self-talk to make these things happen. And I do give myself mental pats on the back for doing what I can do.
A new symptom is emerging, which is also tell-tale: I am weepy. Sure, there's stuff going on in the world to weep about, but I know this is different.
I don't know why I share this, though I do know that depression thrives on secrecy and isolation. I don't want to hide this part of me. I also use my blog as a journal and find it interesting and informative to look back on my posts. So, I am planting a flag here and now for the future me.
Seven years ago, for instance, I was really ill. It helps me to know that and to see that recovery is possible -- and probable. Here's a couple of drawings from that time.
So, that's my Monday. Looking forward to better days. Thank you for 'listening.'
I'm so sorry that you're experiencing this depressing time, Tara. It is interesting how depression manifests. I'm experiencing a bit of that myself these last few weeks. I keep thinking that the upcoming utterly heartbreaking first anniversary of my mom's death is triggering it for me. That, and this unending gray rainy weather. I hope your doc can help get all of this sorted out for you. I hope you start to feel uplifted and healthy in every way. Sending you so much love, dear friend.
ReplyDeleteyes, I have your mother's 'anniversary' on my calendar and I have been thinking about you and how difficult this must be. The rain certainly doesn't help, in that it has been unrelenting. You know, just writing this post helped me today. I've felt more productive than usual and a little more chipper, actually. With good friends like you to lift me up, I am a lucky woman.
DeleteWise to look back at those drawings and make an appointment with your GP. Those pats on the back are well deserved. You are doing what you can to keep the depression from getting worse. Depression does grow in secrecy and isolation. Sending love to you, Tara, as you sort this out.
ReplyDeletelooking at those drawings make me profoundly sad. It was a terrible time that I almost didn't make it out of. I am far less distressed this time around, thank the heavens. Thank you for your love and understanding. It means the world to me. You are an exquisitely tuned-in woman, with your own heartache and understanding of this human condition. I know by your creative works that you feel deeply.
DeleteYou have great insight, Tara. And that means you will rise above this wicked demon. I'm sending positive thoughts from this side of the country. You already know that you can overcome this but it doesn't make the journey one bit easier. Left foot forward, right foot forward along with a few steps back. But you will see the end of this too, good blogger buddy.
ReplyDeleteI'm listening and sorry to hear that you're under the weather. You've always been such a steady presence -- not only on your own blog but on many others, including mine. Thank you for that -- for your thoughtfulness, too. I'm sending you all kinds of love and strength.
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