TGIF

Yesterday marked the 30th anniversary of the Loma Prieta earthquake in California.  I was living about 7 miles from the epicenter, having vacated my marital home two days earlier.  I left my husband and took our 20 month old daughter with me and moved in with friends for a few months while I figured out what to do next.

Jump thirty years into the future.  I left my second husband September 13 and moved to Colorado from the Sacramento area.  This time to join my daughter and her family, who had moved to Ft. Collins two years ago.  So, here, now, on this anniversary again, I have been out of my marital home for just over a month.  Strange how things work out, isn't it?  What is it about autumn?

The earthquake was quite a trauma, though leaving my husband at the time was not.  It was a big relief, even with the daunting task of being a single parent.  I was out of a bad situation that had been going on for years and wasn't going to resolve.  I'd had it up to my eyeballs and needed to get out of that relationship to save my sanity and my health.  Luckily, my daughter and her father had a good and consistent relationship after the divorce.  A few hiccups here and there, but still, on the whole it worked well and she's turned out to be a lovely human being who is very close to both of her parents.

My latest departure, well, it was much more fraught.  Sudden, unexpected, intolerable.  The only thing that propelled me forward was the knowledge I was going to be near my family, whom I love very much and am happy to report the feeling is mutual.

It is a bit odd being out of the only state of the union I've ever lived in.  I've been coming here for twenty years to visit friends, so am no stranger to the area, but still, actually living here is going to take some adjustments.  We've already had our first snow and trying to coax my five pound chihuahua to do her 'business' in the cold and wet was impossible.  She held herself for an entire day and night before going out when the temperatures rose and the snow began to melt.

I've got to buy snow tires soon.  Oy.  Never in my life....I'm counting on my son-in-law to steer me in the right direction.

I've got to buy furniture, since I left most of it with my husband in order to spare him the burden of doing that himself.

So many things to do...and the movers come next weekend to move me from the Boulder area to Ft. Collins, an hour's drive north.  I have been fortunate to be living with friends of thirty years, who have, once again, helped me navigate the early days of divorce.  They were there for me 30 years ago,   and every Wednesday night I went there to do laundry, have dinner and fellowship.  The babies played together, the mommies drank a little too much wine, and daddy busied himself in the kitchen whipping up simple but delicious food.  I think this ritual carried on for over a year.  They saved me.  They are saving me again.  The first couple of weeks especially, when I cried all day long, When no words would come out without being strangled in my throat, when I didn't bother putting on make-up because the tears would just make a mess of it.

I realized the other day: hey, I haven't cried today.  I was witnessing my coming to terms with my physical separation from my husband.  I marveled at that fact.

I still do.