Can I just say how shitty it is when your elderly parents are in crisis and you have to jump in and coordinate care for them, schedule doc appts., clean their home and do their laundry and make their meals? I know many of you have gone through this yourself.
How can this mess be managed in a better way? I have no answers. I just want some social services support to do the heavy lifting.
My dad's heart is giving out. He can no longer to the physical work of caring for mom. This is difficult for so many reasons, the main one being that he has been "in charge" for decades and has trouble letting anyone else be in charge. He was scared enough after his hospital stay to accept in home support and care for mother. Even someone to be there overnight to help mother to the bathroom. That's BIG for my dad.
They have health insurance to cover this care. They planned ahead. They have resources to pay for caregivers even if they didn't have insurance. Smart and lucky.
I love them so much, and have been very worried about dad dying. My husband is concerned about my health when I am helping them and wants me to back away now that we've arranged for caregivers. He's right. After spending the entire weekend plus taking care of mom, my blood sugars and sky high and I feel like road kill.
And there are people all over the land who are doing the same, and more, for their elderly parents. For their disabled children, or other relative. I'm not made of very sturdy stuff, me thinks. I'm laid low by the tasks demanded of me. I don't know how anybody does it.
In the middle of all of this, we sold our beautiful home on Sunday. It went on the market Thursday. We are now able to move to University Retirement Community (URC). I'm thinking of renaming it Universal Rastafarian Consciousness. Better than "Old Folks Home" or "The Home" or whatever. Better, I suppose than some names for care facilities, like "Sunset Villas" or "The Last Fucking Place You Will Ever Live."
I cannot comprehend living in one place for the next couple of decades. It will be a wholly new experience for me. No doubt I will encounter myself again and again while there, coming to terms with this arrangement. No doubt I shall share my experience with you, dear Reader. Hopefully, and almost certainly, I will find abundant humor in my situation.
Please stay tuned....
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I'm going back in time, once again, to visit my great great aunt, Lou Goodale Bigelow. I knew "Aunty Lou," and would visit ...
Yes, but you will have the freedom to take exotic trips and visit the kids in Colorado frequently!
ReplyDeleteyes! you are so right.
DeleteThis end of life stuff for our elderly parents is so challenging, it's pretty mind-blowing. I'm hoping that the caregivers work out well for your parents. Wanting to be a caregiver is a clue to their compassion, I think. I have found them all to be so kind and thoughtful. This is a long journey we're making here. I hope we can do it as consciously and open-heartedly as possible. Thinking of you and your family, Tara, and sending love.
ReplyDeleteThank you Robin. Your love and support sustains me.
DeleteOh, your house sold! That's good.
ReplyDeleteAnd so is lining up good caregivers for your parents -- beyond good, that's excellent. xoxo
A lot is going on, all at once. And of course you're overwhelmed; who wouldn't be? But it's good you have lined up where to move next, and that place will relieve some burdens. One move is not "it" for the rest of time -- it's just what's needed now. And that's OK.
Sending love. xxoxo
well, it kind of is the last move, unless we want to walk away from the purchase price. Which, maybe in 15 years I'd be willing to do, depending.
DeleteI forgot to also say -- BREATHE! The harder times are not going to last forever. xoxo
ReplyDeletethank you. I am having a hard time breathing. I get so damn anxious. Luckily, there are meds for that. And exercise.
DeleteI worked as a carer for 20-odd years and I know that it's not a job that everyone can handle. It's not usually that they don't care enough but that they care too much. With those you love it's particularly hard, as I found when looking after my mum in her last years. Sometimes it's best to let the caregivers do their work and you just supply the thing they can't give but which you clearly have plenty of - love.
ReplyDeletewords of wisdom, John, thank you. Yes, I was a carer as well for a few years after I retired from University. Much easier with clients than family. I am relieved they now have people in that do a go job and that they feel comfortable with. I can step back and be their daughter, like you say, and be there with my love.
Delete"I can step back and be their daughter, like you say, and be there with my love."
ReplyDeleteSo many changes. You have stepped up to help numerous times in these past years. And that's so true about humor. Sending love.