Latest
visit to cardiologist peels away yet more layers...trying new oral meds
to calm down electrical activity. I can return to exercise. Doc will
be consulting with colleagues at UCLA and perhaps I may be making a
visit down there. There are dual things going on, each with their own
treatment options and all interconnected of course. It's such a complex
system and my condition is so rare that there is not a lot of data on
'the fix.'
Steve continues to be my researcher, searching the conditions on the Internet for LVNP and PVCs (look THAT up). He communicates well with the docs, being a retired doc himself. I'm so glad he's got my back. He's just sent me some additional information that I will get to later today.
Face to face with your own mortality. People confront this every day. Victims of war, terrorism, crime, and all the ways in which the body can fail. I'm trying not to project negative outcomes into the future. Mostly I'm doing well with this.
I've lost friends and family to breast cancer, pancreatic cancer, esophageal cancer, pneumonia, stomach cancer, heart failure and yes, murder. We all die, that is for certain. I'm not afraid of the actual dying part, I just get freaked out that I will not be on earth to watch my grandchildren grow, or see my daughter have her own grandchildren. If. Only if. I may be around for decades yet. Hopefully.
I don't want my loved ones to be sad, but of course they will. I hope they know I've had an -- interesting -- life. A fun life. A love-filled life. A creative existence full of music and visual art. So much to be thankful for -- and I am.
When the cardiologist first told me about the new wrinkle in my heart disease, I got really really scared. I think I felt my marrow vibrate. I was so glad my husband was there with me. He's been a rock. And positive. He says I'm going do just fine. I have hope that I am. But there are mountains to climb before I get there. More medications to try, very possibly more invasive procedures.
I looked back on my calendar only to realize that this has been going on since May 29 this year. I'm tired. But then, I've had a good day today. And a good day yesterday. When I can, I go out and have fun with friends. I'm making cards of my photographs to sell and get a nice meditative flow when I am working on them. I've sold two photographs to people who've seen the photo exhibit. The asking price is more than I would have dared to ask before, because, dammit, I'm worth it.
Have a good weekend. Live your life with gusto if you possibly can. It's so cliche, but it really is true that it goes by in an instant.
Steve continues to be my researcher, searching the conditions on the Internet for LVNP and PVCs (look THAT up). He communicates well with the docs, being a retired doc himself. I'm so glad he's got my back. He's just sent me some additional information that I will get to later today.
Face to face with your own mortality. People confront this every day. Victims of war, terrorism, crime, and all the ways in which the body can fail. I'm trying not to project negative outcomes into the future. Mostly I'm doing well with this.
I've lost friends and family to breast cancer, pancreatic cancer, esophageal cancer, pneumonia, stomach cancer, heart failure and yes, murder. We all die, that is for certain. I'm not afraid of the actual dying part, I just get freaked out that I will not be on earth to watch my grandchildren grow, or see my daughter have her own grandchildren. If. Only if. I may be around for decades yet. Hopefully.
I don't want my loved ones to be sad, but of course they will. I hope they know I've had an -- interesting -- life. A fun life. A love-filled life. A creative existence full of music and visual art. So much to be thankful for -- and I am.
When the cardiologist first told me about the new wrinkle in my heart disease, I got really really scared. I think I felt my marrow vibrate. I was so glad my husband was there with me. He's been a rock. And positive. He says I'm going do just fine. I have hope that I am. But there are mountains to climb before I get there. More medications to try, very possibly more invasive procedures.
I looked back on my calendar only to realize that this has been going on since May 29 this year. I'm tired. But then, I've had a good day today. And a good day yesterday. When I can, I go out and have fun with friends. I'm making cards of my photographs to sell and get a nice meditative flow when I am working on them. I've sold two photographs to people who've seen the photo exhibit. The asking price is more than I would have dared to ask before, because, dammit, I'm worth it.
Have a good weekend. Live your life with gusto if you possibly can. It's so cliche, but it really is true that it goes by in an instant.
Yes, indeed. You are worth it. Sending love. Celebrating life!
ReplyDeletereceiving the love and sending it right back at you!
DeleteI love your attitude, Tara. We're all going to face these moments, and you are a beautiful role model of composure and strength. You've got a great team of medical experts working for you and whole cadre of friends who are sending support and love. Keep on keeping on, dear friend.
ReplyDeleteLoved YOUR post on Newdharmabums. Talk about composure and strength! Roger has come a long way re: needles etc. Love the picture of him being relaxed.
Delete