It's Marrying Day

We're a modern couple.  We move in first, and then we get married.  Tomorrow we go to the courthouse for a civil ceremony that will be very casual and witnessed by my parents.

We are eschewing a 'wedding,' feeling that is it quite unnecessary and not "us" at all.  I already feel married, actually.  At 57, a traditional wedding feels rather comedic.  We will have our civil ceremony and then go to  lovely lunch at Biba with my parents, who are tickled pink at this wonderful turn of events in my life.  The Mister and I feel this is a serious undertaking, and it has great meaning for us.  We feel it is private, intimate, and simple in its lack of fuss and bother.  It's the way we want it, and at our ages, we get to do what WE WANT!

photo by The Mister

I never saw this coming.  The Mister was the biggest surprise of my adult life.  I thought I was a dyed in the wool lesbian, or, at least as I tended to say, a "bisexual lesbian."  Sexual politics can be weird sometimes, and I've know former gay and bisexual people who ended up with opposite sex partners only to lose the friendships with their queer compadres.  Or trans people who lost all their queer friends--and maybe hetero friends as well.  I, however, am a lucky woman, who has the full support and love of my queer friends, my straight friends and family, my trans family, my hippie family and my republican family.  Truly a rainbow!  But it happens, I believe, because LOVE is LOVE and people can see it a mile away.  They love you, and they are happy for you. 

As we sat in our new home this evening, exhausted from another day of unpacking, we shared a cocktail, cheese and crackers, and marveled at how perfect this all is.  I could almost succumb to L'Embarras des richesses, but I won't.  Because when life is this good, it's time to full-on celebrate.  To be humble, for certain, but to luxuriate in one's good fortune.

I believe in celebrating and honoring love in all its manifestations.  It is as varied as we are.  I feel incredibly lucky, and deserving of this solid love.

We got a chance
Hot dog darlin'
We got a chance
No more no more
Fly-by-night romance
We got this solid love
Love has always made me
Feel so uneasy
I couldn't relax and just be me
More like some strange disease
Than this solid love

Tested and blessed darlin'
I'm gonna give you my very best
You're my hope
You're my happiness
You
Open my heart you do
Open my heart
You do
Yes you do

Joni Mitchell, 1982

Voici pour vous ma douce homme, Je t'aime tellement beaucoup.

It is Moving Day

That is all.

Have a great weekend, everyone!

Wordless Wednesday

TGIF

TGIF means it's MARTINI TIME!  We went to the store this afternoon and it was a bloody 104 degrees outside.  But we were out of gin, and ice cream, and dog treats, and really, isn't the gin reason enough?

Our wedding bands arrived yesterday.  They are perfect!  Just the way we envisioned them.  We decided to wear them right now.  Thank you, Howard, at Skalet Jewelers for making the design we had envisioned.

I'm all giddy and supremely happy, but a little humble, too, since this is not the first time I've been, ah, married.  I heard this lovely Dylan song the other day and thought, ah yes...

I've seen love go by my door
It's never been this close before
Never been so easy or so slow
Been shooting in the dark too long
When something's not right it's wrong
You're gonna make me lonesome when you go
Dragon clouds so high above
I've only known careless love,
It's always hit me from below.
This time around it's more correct
Right on target, so direct,
You're gonna make me lonesome when you go

We're just gonna leave out the stuff about going.  We shall counter that language with another Dylan song, "You ain't a'going nowhere.  Whooee, ride me high."


Life goes on, house purchase on target.  Had a great dinner with new friends last night in Davis. Lucky, Lucky, Lucky.

Feeling relieved that I don't live is Israel or any Palestinian areas.  Feeling so utterly helpless to affect the madness over there.  I wish I could cross my arms, nod my head and blink my eyes and that would be the end of that.  Borders could be freely crossed, children could be educated and fed and housed.  Israelis and Palestinians would live together in peace, freed from hatred and senseless death.  Walls would come down.  Hamas would go the hell away.  Babies would be born free from a terrible legacy.

Breathe.  Be grateful.  Have a peaceful weekend.

Wordless Wednesday

Wordless Wednesday

TGIF

Buying a home is not for sissies.  Homeowners know this.  We have been on an emotional roller coaster in the last 24 hours, but have come back to feeling very good about our new home.

photo by T. Crowley

You know when they say "location, location, location"?  They ain't kiddin'.  You pay for it.  You either desire it or you don't.  Is the location more important than the home or vise versa?

I think it's a balance of the two.  Where I am in relation to the town is important, both for access and feeling connected to a community.

If all goes as planned, this time next month we will be in a home with a wooded front yard, a la Felton, CA., a couple of hammock-ready trees, a spacious yard, covered patio, and remodeled baths and kitchen.  Abundant birds and other assorted creatures.

photo by Da Man

Also, in a town we enjoy.  With a quiet neighborhood.  A relatively secluded and out of the way property, albeit with an elementary school behind!  (More on that later.)

Hope your weekend is a good one.  Hope ours is as well.  We will survive, of that I am sure.

Wordless Wednesday

When the Shit Hits the Fan

My love and I are are preparing to be married.  We are deliriously happy.  We just bought a house.  Looking forward - so much - to moving in next month.  The future looks so very bright.

Meantime...back in the other real world...

• a friend's partner has attempted suicide and is on life support
• another friend is transitioning out of this life with the help of his husband and hospice
• girls are being held captive by maniacs across the sea
• two friends have lost their canine companions
• people live in the gravel next to the train tracks
• others struggle quietly in their own pain and suffering

What I realized is that sometimes I put way too much emphasis on what is good with the world and what is bad.  With so much unpredictability of life and chaos at work these days in our uncertain world, what I have learned is that it really doesn’t matter. It really doesn’t matter if we label life as “good” or “bad.”  It just is. It is the way it’s supposed to be.

All the over analysis, over thinking, over planning, over labeling—all of it doesn’t accomplish anything. It doesn’t help me feel better putting a label on something!  In fact the opposite happens: You freeze and get stuck over thinking trying to compartmentalize everything. You get overwhelmed by the chaos of life.  So much of our stress and anxiety comes from our attempts at attaching a “good” or “bad” to the challenges we encounter in life. We believe things ought to be a certain way. We feel things in life should be generally “good.”  And when it isn’t we get really hurt. We get disappointed. We get burned. And we stop moving forward. We stop experiencing the full array of choices life has to offer during our journey.

Our reluctance to accept the fluid nature of life is at the center of so much of our paralysis.  I believe that in order to deal with uncertainty and the chaotic up and down nature of life, we have to accept that life just is and embrace the chaos that we inevitably encounter.

Life is just the way it is supposed to be: unpredictable, good, bad, ugly, and great all rolled up into one incredibly short experience.  Carpe Diem, babies.

TGIF Independence Day

No photos because I was too busy cooking and then eating, but I made a feast worthy of our nation's 238th birthday: BBQ pork sliders on homemade mini buns, with blue cheese and coleslaw on top, corn on the cob , and for dessert, peach pie with vanilla ice cream. Must confess, I didn't make the ice cream.  Next year.

We spent a quiet day, S sorting out the garage and me running over to my place to take care of plant watering and picking up the kitchen aid mixer to make the slider buns. Some time at the park letting the beasts run around in 93 degree weather. I felt like I was gonna wilt -- simply fade away.

What with all our house activity of buying and selling, I must admit I'm pooped. I turned down a perfectly lovely invite to a pool party because I am simply bushed. I look forward to the aftermath of all our efforts so I may settle into the regular rhythm of life. Not complaining, mind you. Everyone should have such travails: finding a great house to move to with my soon to be husband.  Who is a doll. Whom I love cooking for. I am a thoroughly modern queer feminist and, so, while typing the previous sentence I did a double take. And then said, "Hell yeah."

Little Stars and Stripes line the suburban lawns of this neighborhood. Bank tellers and store clerks have been cheerfully inquiring as to our 'holiday' plans and we pretty much stared blankly at them. What holiday? Oh. Yeah.

My take-away from this day is: Independence and Freedom. To live the life I see fit. To watch the World Cup and feast on sliders. Life is good.

Wordless Wednesday