Monday Musings

Facebook reminded me yesterday that 5 years ago, to yesterday's date, I left my home and marriage. I drove to Santa Barbara for the night and left for my parents' house in San Diego the next day.

It was a windy and rainy drive, emblematic of my journey.  I could not have guessed at the ups and downs I would experience over the next few years.  All I knew was anything was better than what I had been doing.  Anything.

You know you've been living in crazy-land when living with your parents is a welcomed relief.  Even when things did not go smoothly in my new digs, it was still preferable to the life I was leaving behind.  Even so, the act of driving away from the scene of the crime  took its toll:  I dropped 25 lbs without meaning to.  When ever does that happen?  I got sick a lot.  I was mentally confused and easily reduced to tears.

Still, I knew I was on the right path.  The only way through is to go through.  There are no short cuts.  There is a lot of pain.  It is worth all of that.

I couldn't have imagined that 4 years later, to the date, I would be in Miami, with my freshly minted husband, waiting to catch a flight to Havana, Cuba!

Now, today, I am living the life I want to live.  The life that was only a dream 5 years ago.  And a very vague dream at that.  What in the world convinced me I could do this?  Truth be told, I wasn't convinced.  In fact, I was skeptical.

You know that saying, "the longest journey begins with a single step"?  That's what I went with.  I didn't have to be all brave and stuff.  I just had to take care of myself, one day at a time.  I had to have faith that life would improve.  Not a lot of faith, either, just some.  Change is difficult and most of us resist it with everything we have.  I did.  For a long time.  Until I couldn't any longer.

Hooray for Facebook memories.  I have been beautifully reminded of my capacity for change, and my instinct to live my best life.  Fittingly, C.S. Lewis said, "There are far better things ahead than any we leave behind."

With special thanks to my beloved friends and my family.  You know who you are.

"Live in possibility."  

~ Emily Dickinson